Five Nights at Hobby Lobby

Crafting for Sinners by Jenny Kiefer

Pages: 320 Genre: horror

Rating: 1.5 Star

Kindle Notes & Highlights

Ruth needs money so that she and her girlfriend, Abigail, can get out of their tiny, conservative Kentucky town, Kill Devil. That's why, when her client asks for a rush job on a knitted baby blanket, she agrees. Even if it means knitting all night. But first, she needs to get more yarn from the local craft store, New Creations, run by the local megachurch of a similar name. After they fired her for being attracted to women, she's not concerned about stealing an item or two ... or many. Unfortunately, she gets caught for her theft. But it quickly becomes clear that things are actually a lot worse than they seem, and getting out of the store will be a fight for her life.

I really wanted to like this book a lot more than I did. After all, I like crafting, and I tend to enjoy critical looks at Christianity. While it wasn't the worst book ever, but I stopped enjoying the experience of reading it at, like, 30%. Unfortunately the book just didn't manage to live up to anything it promised.

First of all, there was an abysmal lack of crafting in the book called "Crafting for Sinners." Yes, the catalyst is having to knit (not crochet, even though it's crochet on the cover) a blanket overnight (and by the way, as someone currently in the middle of three big crochet projects, I'd rather be killed at the store than try to finish a whole blanket in one night) and the entire plot takes place at the craft store, but otherwise crafting is irrelevant. It could've been replaced with the evil version of Office Depot where Ruth needs sticky notes and the plot would've been unaffected. I was expecting Ruth to be utilizing her crafting knowledge to get out of traps, but instead she was using knowledge of the store that she has an ex-employee. Instead of the interesting concept we were promised, it made the whole "crafting" thing seem like a cheap gimmick to grab readers.

Actually, the reason behind the craft store seemed like an excuse to hate on Hobby Lobby. And don't get me wrong, I also hate Hobby Lobby. From their discriminatory and unjust treatment of employees to their artifact smuggling scandal (details of which are liberally borrowed for a subplot in this book), I always think it's a good time to hate on Hobby Lobby. But hating on Hobby Lobby is a fun activity, not a plot. I wish the book would've leaned into its own ideas about "haunted craft store" that went beyond the real life store.

This book had a lot of criticisms of modern Christianity, and I'm not here to disagree with that. Conservative Christians are hypocritical, hateful, and discriminatory, and megachurches are a gross display of wealth and profit in a way that is in direct contrast with the teachings of Jesus. I love calling that out. But the way this book did it was odd. First, the author didn't seem to have a clear idea of what she was criticizing. The hyper-traditional conservative ideology that her antagonists hold onto is not really in line with the nondenominational megachurches that they also deploy. Also, while there are some moments that were profound and engaging, Ruth was also criticizing the New Creationists church for things like a Sunday School wing or childcare. Both of those things are pretty standard as long as your church isn't tiny. Like, these churches aren't evil because they build a community. They're evil because they prey on people's fears and insecurities, calling for tithes and donations that are used for unnecessary extravagance instead of care for the people around them. I think it would've been more impactful to narrow down the villainy rather than trying to loop in every possible problem.

Also, in case it needs to be said, yes, it's enough to call out churches for discriminatory behavior: in this case, being anti-gay. I liked the way "kind" and "loving" language was used to be manipulative and hateful; that felt very real. And the bigotry displayed by these characters was awful, both in regards to gay people and women. But what threw me off was how Ruth, even after the "big twist" (I guess) when it's revealed that things are a bit bigger than just being homophobic and misogynistic, will primarily be annoyed at these people for their bigotry. I don't want to spoil it, which makes it hard for me to drive this point home, but the problem Ruth was dealing with was going well beyond bigotry. It's part of it, sure, but these people aren't primarily bad because they're bigots. It cheapens the whole thing and gives it a sillier tone. I have similar problems when a book is set in college or beyond and uses the word "bullying." Maybe it's applicable, but it makes the main character seem juvenile when their problems go beyond that. The antagonists in this book had bigger issues than their bigotry, and Ruth needed to be more concerned about that.

Ruth was just not a very good protagonist. Her main characteristics are being bisexual, diabetic, and in love with Abigail. That, in addition to her knitting, is all we ever know about her. Every single conflict she has is in regards to one of those three things. Her opinions on her predicament shifts between "I'll just die" and "I'll do whatever is necessary to get out" frequently and without reason. Every other chapter is her resolving to fight to get out. Also, her morals were all over the place. When she still thinks the whole issue is her theft, she stabs someone in the eye with a knitting needle (not a spoiler, it's in the Goodreads description). That guy is dead. She kills three more people, and is not even worried about it, before she decides it's time to kill people. This is also after stealing a lot of money in merchandise. Granted, I don't care if you steal from Hobby Lobby. But I do care about quality characterization, and with the way Ruth was written, I didn't understand her at all.

The writing also left a lot to be desired. There was a weak narrative device of including third party sources, which was just a couple podcast transcripts and a few news articles. This was never very effective, especially since it was only used a handful of times. Ruth was already given all the relevant information from overhearing conversations or flashbacks (which I also don't love), and I think it would've been a lot better to have this information baked into the story. It just felt lazy.

I was also not a fan of the way the horror elements/gore was written. I'm not a prude, and I knew what genre I was reading, but a lot of it felt like it was going out of its way to be gross instead of naturally occurring. Plus, there were many details included that just didn't make sense. This paragraph is going to contain minor spoilers — none about the plot but about some of the horror moments. At one point, Ruth is in a very tight space, and it's not until many minutes go by that she realizes she is surrounded by seemingly a million rats. How are all these rats fitting in the tiny space, and how did she not notice immediately? Yes, the idea of dealing with that many rats is horrifying, but it felt entirely random and out of place in this book specifically. In another encounter, Ruth finds the World's Best Glue that dries almost immediately and works perfectly, even on skin. Ruth: tell me what brand of glue that is. I have never found a craft glue that works like that.

It's also worth acknowledging that, by the end of the book, Ruth should absolutely be dead. Again, I understand the genre we're in, but Ruth makes a point — repeatedly — to point out that blood loss will make her blood sugar drop (deadly) and that not having access to sugar will make her blood sugar drop (again, deadly). It's annoying to have her bring it up every two minutes and also to give her plot armor. Are we making a campy horror story, or are we making a realistic and serious story?

This book was lacking in intention and direction at every step of the way. It had an interesting premise, but the execution left a lot to be desired.