Let's Talk About Book Twitter's Aphobia

I really made a whole post talking about how aphobia on the Internet recently that it briefly drove me out of asexuality, only for Twitter to throw it back into my face right as I started to feel better. Thank you, Internet.

CW: aphobia, language (not from me), NSFW discussions (nothing graphic)

Book Twitter (also known as booktwt) is the book community on Twitter, and it is just as aggressive and obnoxious as other book communities that I've talked about before. Everyone on Twitter feels things in a very big way at all times, and booktwt is no exception. Unfortunately, this past week asexuals were the target.

On September 9, a Twitter user who I will not name (but it's easy to find if you're interested) made a series of tweets about how more asexual representation in books would be a really good thing. The main part of their thread is as follows (edited only for formatting):

"There needs to be more asexual representation in shows/books. I don’t want kids to grow up thinking the way I did. I always thought I was broken and there was something wrong with me because I didn’t want to have sexual relationships. Whenever I tell someone they always respond with, 'you just haven’t met the right one.' It hurts so much being told that and being invalidated. Even now, I still feel like I'm not okay. It feels like somethings wrong with me because I don’t want to have sex. I don’t want other kids to grow up like this. There needs to be more asexual representation."

And you know what? They're totally right in all their points. She's right that a lot of kids grow up feeling like something is wrong with them for the way their experience attraction; I've talked about my own personal feelings with that many times. And it would do a lot of good to show asexual representation in media so that ace kids know they're not crazy -- and so that allo kids know how to treat the ace kids!

Apparently the rest of Twitter did not agree as strongly as I (and other aces) did. This is just a handful of responses to the original tweet that I dug through.

Most of these responses are pretty tame, but some people were very, very aggressively against the idea of asexuals being represented in media.

So, yeah. Very aggressive.

Before I really start picking apart these arguments, I need to define some Book Terms so that we're all on the same page. There are three main demographics for books that you should know: middle grade, young adult (YA), and new adult (NA). Middle grade is aimed at ages 8-12, and you can think of books like Harry Potter and the Percy Jackson books. Obviously people outside of that age bracket can (and do) enjoy these books, to a point where they're widely considered YA. YA, then, is aimed at ages 12-18. Here you can think of books like The Hunger Games trilogy and the whole group of dystopian novels that came along with it. New adult is really just adult novels, but usually aimed at young adults who just "graduated" from YA.

That being said, I don't think this person meant middle grade books in particular need asexual representation. Yes, I know they say "kids," but I think we can all agree that there are complications with people identifying as ace before they've even gone through puberty. Now, I want to be very clear: nobody gets to tell young teens that they're not allowed to identify as ace because they're too young. I knew when I was that young, and I know others do too. Once our peers start experiencing sexual attraction, we can figure out that we don't. And yes: a lot of minors do think about sex. People get really uncomfortable talking about it, and I do understand why; as an adult, I don't personally want to think about the sex lives of teenagers (or anyone else for that matter). I don't want YA books with ace representation for me, I want it for teenagers. I want it for Teen Kendall who was convinced she was broken, and for all the other baby aces that grew up like me (which, newsflash, is most of us). But I understand why an author would be hesitant to have an ace character in a middle grade novel, since asexuality is inherently older than some of the readers.

But ... it's not impossible. People have this idea that when someone is asexual, it means we have to hear the intimate details of their relationship or sex life. In fact, that's a super common issue that asexual people have to deal with: they come out to people and are immediately confronted with a lot of personal questions that are really inappropriate to ask. So, no, asexual representation in books with young characters doesn't mean you have to write about a 13 year old's sexual desires. And I know that this is possible because that kind of representation already exists: Reyna Ramírez-Arellano in Rick Riordan's books exists, and his books are often considered middle grade. Even if you want to argue they're YA, Reyna is a minor, and Rick never even hints at her sex life. There is more to the ace experience than a disinterest in sex.

This misconception that asexuality is just not wanting to have sex is also one of the biggest issues that I saw on booktwt. People would argue that we don't need asexual representation, you can just read books without sex. The irony there is that a lot of adult readers will then judge you if you read YA after 18. I know there are plenty of people who enjoy reading YA romance books over adult romances specifically because sex is not an integral part of the relationship. But once again, that really isn't the point: asexuality is not just the lack of sex. Approaching relationships as an asexual person is not the same as an allosexual person -- that's why there's a whole word for it!

When I say I want asexual representation in books, I don't mean that I don't want the characters to have sex. Actually, I almost prefer an asexual story with sex over an allo one, because to me it gives sex an actual purpose (yes, I know that's because I'm ace, and yes, I know sex in real life doesn't need a literary purpose). But when I say I want asexual representation, I mean I want to see a character go through things that other asexual people do. I want them to use the word asexual and either be proud of it or learn to be. When I read my first book with an ace main character (Blank Spaces by Cass Lennox), I cried because for the first time ever, I saw someone worried they were depriving their partner of something only for that to be refuted. I saw someone fall in love with an asexual person for exactly who he is, not in spite of it. I read this book this past summer, when I was 20 years old. It took me 20 years to see someone like me be considered valuable in a relationship. And that is why asexual representation is necessary beyond just "characters who don't have sex."

Another thing a lot of people were bringing up was that there are so many other minority groups with barely any good representation, so it's not right to want asexual representation. I get what these people are trying to say, and it's not that I disagree necessarily, but I'm confused why you're mad at us about it? Like, yes, I think there are a lot of marginalized communities that do need better representation -- too many to just list out here by name. But if you're actually passionate about this issue and aren't just using these communities are a prop to be aphobic, then perhaps you should focus on using your platform to promote books with other kinds of representation, especially those with smaller authors. You can also campaign more for diverse reading, which is something that many book communities are still largely against for some reason. There is no shortage of book, authors, and potential authors out there. You don't have to bring down the asexual community to prop up others.

But, aside from that -- you can have all of those things with asexual representation. Despite what a lot of people seem to think, asexuality is not just a white thing, and perpetuating that idea is incredibly harmful to nonwhite aces. This is especially true for black aces, as society has a tendency to hypersexualize black people. Asexuality can be found in every culture and in every race, and believing otherwise can be really damaging. Additionally, aces exist in almost every other letter of the LGBTQ+ community. You can write a story with, for example, a main character that is a black trans lesbian ace woman. In fact, I encourage you to, and let me know when it's published.

Implying that having one type of representation takes away from others is just ignorant. Again, yes, there is a huge problem with the lack of representation for everyone but cis white people. Many readers are uninterested in reading diversity for a variety of racist and homophobic reasons, so that's absolutely a topic that needs to be addressed. But when I say that I want asexual representation, I don't mean only asexual representation. Many books are published in a year, people -- we can do both.

Honestly, I'm still just very baffled that this original tweet became as controversial as it was. Wanting more asexual representation in stories isn't the bad or dangerous thing that everyone seems to believe it is, and it doesn't take away from any other potential representation. We just want more perspectives brought forward in the media that we consume. And this doesn't just apply to asexuality. Aromantic people are even less likely than aces to see themselves in media, and a lack of romance is often vilified. Aromantic kids deserve to see themselves too.

But anyway, here's my short (but ever-growing) list of books with asexual representation. As always, make sure to look up plot/content warnings before reading.

• Loveless by Alice Oseman (main character is aroace, asexual and aromantic side characters as well)

• Let's Talk About Love by Claire Kann (main character is bi ace)

• Blank Spaces by Cass Lennox (main character is gay ace, very NSFW though so read at your own discretion)

• Finding Your Feet by Cass Lennox (main character is bi ace)

• Vanilla by Billy Merrell (gay ace main character but a lot of aphobia and overall not your best option on this list)

Happy reading, friends. And remember to not harass people on the Internet just because you don't understand their sexuality.

From yours truly,

Kendall