Book Thoughts: "Loveless" by Alice Oseman

In the YA world, Alice Oseman is an incredibly popular name. Her novels include a lot of LGBTQ+ representation, and most people had only good things to say about her. Oseman caught my attention because she is openly aromantic and asexual, both of which are depicted in her book Loveless. Although I don't know if I would say Loveless is her most popular story, it's certainly one of the most popular aroace stories being talked about right now. I adored this book; as much as I love the ace rep, I also love the fact that aromantics get a lot of the spotlight too. As much as asexuality doesn't get good representation, aromantic people get even less. Oseman managed to tell a brilliant story that highlighted the message that romantic or sexual love isn't necessary to be happy or complete.

Now, as much as I did love the book for its aroace rep, I do think I need to put a disclaimer on some other rep. Minor spoilers here, but one of the main characters is non-binary and another is pansexual, both of which have underwhelming representation in the story. The non-binary character uses he/they pronouns, but everyone in the story exclusively uses the masculine pronouns. The pan main character is hypersexual, which is a pretty harmful stereotype of pan (and bi) people. I cannot give an opinion on the quality of representation as I am not in those communities, but I wanted to give a warning before we get into the book. This post will mostly focus on the aroace rep (more ace than aro) because that's more what I know.

Loveless is based off of Oseman's real experience going to university. The book follows our protagonist, Georgia. She has never had a crush on anyone, never kissed anyone, and certainly has never fallen in love. As she goes into university, she makes it her mission to find herself the kind of love story that she dreams of. When she's faced with the new labels (asexual and aromantic), Georgia becomes really uncertain about herself. She has to figure out her own identity and come to terms with how different her life will be to what she always thought.

I like Loveless does a phenomenal job of showing the process that someone has to go through in order to “come to terms” with being asexual or aromantic. Of course neither of those things is a bad thing, but sometimes it really feels that way. We are conditioned from an early age that getting married and having kids is the desired goal. When you then grow up and realize that’s not in the cards for you, it can be hard to grapple with. Being able to not just recognize these identities but embrace them is often difficult, which I’ve talked about a lot before -- we think something is wrong with us. Maybe we believe we’re missing out, or that we’re doing something wrong by being single or in a nontraditional relationship. I think Loveless accurately depicts the reality of living through that, as well as coming out the other side of it.

Earlier I referred to this book as a “love story,” which may not be the most accurate term, but for my purposes I stand by it. People often view a single life as a sad one, but Georgia shows readers that genuine connection is possible outside of the context of romance. We get some really good explanations of what asexuality and aromanticism are, and we get to see real life applications of it. I think this is a really good book for both people in these communities and those wanting to learn more about them.

Now, as always I do have some more specific things to say, but those are going to be hidden behind the spoiler wall. This is your warning: after this point, I will be spoiling Loveless, so if you’d like to read the book (which you should) you should stop this review here and come back to it later. I'm actually not going into that much detail here, but you should be aware before continuing that I give some things away.

Okay, I hope we’re all good.

One of my favorite parts of this book was Georgia’s 34-year-old cousin, Ellis. She comes into the story very late and plays a very minor role, but to me it was one of the most important. When we meet Ellis, she is visiting Georgia’s family for Christmas with the rest of the extended family. She is being badgered about being single at her age, when she storms out at their suggestion to go to therapy. She and Georgia go out for ice cream when they get a chance to discuss things, which is when we get this wonderful quote from it:

“Then Ellis said, ‘But I’m older now. I’ve learnt some things.’

‘Like what?’ I asked.

‘Like the way friendship can be just as intense, beautiful and endless as romance. Like the way there’s love everywhere around me — there’s love for my friends, there’s love in my paintings, there’s love for myself. There’s even love for my parents in there somewhere. Deep down.’ She laughed, and I couldn’t help but smile. ‘I have a lot more love than some people in the world. Even if I’ll never have a wedding.’ She took a big spoonful of ice cream. ‘There’s definitely love for ice cream, let me tell you that.’

I laughed and she grinned at me.

‘I was hopeless about being like this for a long time,’ she said, and then shook her head. ‘But I’m not any more. Finally. Finally I’m not hopeless anymore.’” 316

This all happens before Ellis learns about asexuality and aromanticism. I think that this form of representation — someone who doesn’t know what these identities are but is genuinely happy living their life — is incredibly important. Plus, showing an “older ace/aro” person is a big deal. I’m not calling 34 old, to be clear, but people often characterize asexuality especially as a teenager thing. People view it as teens trying to be special, so it’s always nice to see media where these identities are taken seriously in a real adult. Although Ellis' role is very minor, I think it's incredibly important to be shown.

The other important thing this book does is acknowledge the importance of friendships, as I mentioned earlier. We often fall into a habit of seeing friendships as a consolation prize. We say that someone is “just” a friend or believe that romantic relationships are inherently closer than platonic ones. After Georgia thinks she's lost her two closest friends, she says this:

“Friends are automatically classed as ‘less important’ than romantic partners. I’d never questioned that. It was just the way the world was. I guess I’d always felt that friendship just couldn’t compete with what a partner offered, and that I’d never really experience real love until I found romance. …I had been so desperate for my life of true love that I couldn’t even see it when it was right in front of my face.” 301

Challenging the societal standards for friendship is really important, and I love how Oseman presents this idea. And it’s not just in words — we see the bond that Georgia has with Rooney that almost balances between platonic and romantic. We see how much her other friends mean to her, like in this quote, and their friendship isn't undermined by the end. Even outside of an aroace perspective, our society really undervalues friendships and sees them as less than romantic relationships. It’s an idea that harms both allos and aspec people, and we see it in all kinds of media. Loveless values platonic love just as much romantic love, which is really refreshing to see.

Loveless doesn’t get everything right, but I still really appreciate it for what it is. Being ace or aro is not all sunshine and rainbows, but it’s not bad either. Oseman balances these ideas well, and does a really great job of showing what one version of these identities look like. As always, there’s not one piece of media to perfectly encompass the asexual or aromantic experience, but I think this one is a pretty common one.

Happy reading!

From yours truly,

Kendall